How has adoption changed your life?
Adoption became a central focus of my life when I became a birth father. Until then, I had no understanding of personal boundaries, awareness of how to respect women, and very little self-love and compassion, based on what I experienced growing up. I gradually became a loving, giving man because of my adoption experience. The change came as a hot wire jolt when I found out my soon-to-be estranged girlfriend was pregnant. It was a transforming moment. From this experience, I began a decades-long journey of becoming aware of other's feelings and boundaries. The transformation took many, many years. The moment when change started was then.
What is a lesson from your adoption experience that could be life-changing for all families?
Be aware that in adoption that suffering, uncertainty and loss are common conditions. Birth fathers and mothers lose children whether they can accept the pain of the loss or not. For adoptive parents to know the incredible suffering that we birth parents parents carry with us if we are fully engaged in the experience of grief is painful indeed and ongoing.
What changes would you like to see made in adoption?
The change I would like to see happen in adoption is to help raise awareness of the least visible person in the triad – birth fathers. I'm producing the first documentary about birth fathers – Birth Father The Movie. I have a Facebook page by this name: https://www.facebook.com/BirthFathersTheMovie/.